The Park Slope Gastronome

Back in Park Slope.

Friday, July 21, 2006

I'm in Love

This email was just forwarded to me. It is a love letter to Redbones, a BBQ place in Somerville, MA. I have never met the author of this email, but I will make it my life's work to meet and marry him. Or at the very least, get him to be a guest contributor to the PSG and CLC. Nah, I want the rock.

Dear Redbones,

I live in NYC but I have many friends and family in the Beantown area, so I visit frequently. During those frequent visits I almost ALWAYS stop by Redbones. Usually I do lunch there on the day of my departure, but this time around...IT'S DINNER TIME. I am making a trip into Boston on Friday, and I thought you should know, that today I am totally distracted at work today because I CAN’T stop thinking about your DELICIOUS variety of home style BBQ. I am literally salivating, and counting the seconds until Friday night, so much so that my office mate, just called me a FILTHY ANIMAL.

The beauty about this trip is that, since I'm coming for dinner, I get the WHOLE menu. Of course, this blessing is not without it's downside, i.e. I DON'T KNOW IF I'LL BE ABLE TO DECIDE WHAT TO HAVE. CATFISH FINGERS are a must as an app, but the BBQ HASH is good for what ails you. I HAVE to have at least one HUSH PUPPY, but I don't think I've ever tried the CORN FRITTERS. One of my buddies, is crying about the BUFFY SHRIMP, because he thinks they're too expensive. Between you and me I think he's a damn fool. I don't think $5.95 is too much to ask for seven pieces of THE BEST BUFFY SHRIMP I'VE EVER BEEN INVOLVED WITH. Plus, I used to work at a restaurant, so I understand FOOD COST, and I know that high quality treats from the SEA like those little demons can get a little steep from time to time.

What I'm trying to get at is that you can already see the chaos that may break out over my decision on appetizers. And that's just me. There will most likely be about 6 people in my party, and they ALL have a sickness that only REDBONES can cure. Looking at your menu on REDBONES.COM (site that I have bookmarked, by the way) I don't see any sort of COMBO platter. Do you not have one, or am I just blinded by the visions of RIBBIES, AND PULLED PORK DANCING IN MY BRAIN??

Seriously... I'm having visions. About ten minutes ago I saw one of your ARKANSAS RIBS. It wasn't just any RIB. It had on one of those ABE LINCOLN style top hats, carrying a cane, and wearing the BARBECUE BELT, all while waltzing a very attractive REDBONES T-BONE, in a wedding dress at a grand ceremony where the best man was a GRILLED SAUSAGE, and the bridesmaids were CHICKEN WINGS. I thought they were the perfect couple, and I wished them well, but then considered eating them. It was then that I realized that one of my co-workers was staring at me.

Obviously after a sight like that my decision on an entree might be more difficult than the tumultuous time I will have had over your APP selection. Whoever wrote up your menu must have stones the size of WOOD GRILLED CHICKENS for putting THAT many BBQ combos on the same piece of paper. But I LOVE him/her for it at the same time. I think the last time I was there I had the CATFISH DINNER. Although it was DELICIOUS, I believe that I would be doing myself disservice if I were to order the same thing twice in a row, when there are SO MANY other options, each one potentially more SCRUMPTIOUS than the last.

I might get your SURF AND TURF because it comes on a BED OF ONION STRINGS. Sometimes I wish I SLEPT on a bed of ONION STRINGS. I also might consider something pertaining to the SAUSAGE OF THE DAY, whether it be a SANDWICH, or a DINNER. I just think the concept of a SAUSAGE OF THE DAY is REALLY COOL. Or maybe I'll get the GRILLED VEGGIE BURGER.... just kidding.

Having said all that, REDBONES, I just wanted you to know that despite the long road I have ahead of me (the most difficult stretch, of which, will surely take place during the ordering process), I look forward to seeing you and as usual I will treasure the time we have together. And I know I speak for the rest of the party when I say THANKS IN ADVANCE, AND YOU BETTER BE READY. See you Friday night.


Michael G.

PS. Please consider opening a franchise in New York.
PPS. And oh yeah... I LOVE YOU.


Blogger youthlarge said...

are you sure you didn't write this letter? the random all caps makes me really laugh. what do you suppose buffy shrimp are. also friend of Michael G is a dumb dumb for thinking $5.95 for a plate of 7 shrimp is a rip-off. i think that's more than a fair price.

July 26, 2006 11:04 PM  
Blogger China-Latina Chowhound said...

I agree, that price for 7 delicious jewels from the sea is MORE than fair. I too wondered what buffy shrimp were so I went to the Redbones website and learned that 'buffy' shrimp are in fact Buffalo shrimp. And yes, I am sure that I did not write this letter myself, though I am fairly certain that the author is the male equivalent of me. I love him.

July 28, 2006 3:30 PM  
Blogger China-Latina Chowhound said...

PS - I love that his colleague calls him a filthy animal. Ha!

July 28, 2006 3:31 PM  

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